Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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