You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
