i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
