My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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