this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The ass gains better be worth it
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