oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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