This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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