if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
