cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
