im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
