just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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