Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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