Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
