There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
