Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
