remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??