You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
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You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes