In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
