There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
accomplished twins. life is a go
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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