it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ttyl tear gas
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
