I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
