i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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