How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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