i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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