just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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