So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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