Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
