Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
