yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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