So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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