some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
