Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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