I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
