It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
