I heard we made out
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Randomize
