My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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