i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
