I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
soo... how was my night?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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