I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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