playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
