i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
