Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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