Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
