I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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