i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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