If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She announced her abortion via fbk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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