all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
