ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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