I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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