Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.