If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize