It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
