you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
