Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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