I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell her she can't have a vagina
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
