If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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