You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
