It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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