So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
