If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
