Don't you send me to vm
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
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some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We have started to decorate penises.
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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