Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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