I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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