when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
